For Ken Friday, mindfulness meditation has become a necessity to his work life and his family life. The home care aide and his wife, Crystal, have a baby, Malik, in addition to Ken’s live-in client, Gavi.
(Pictured above, Crystal and Ken Friday with their son, Malik, in Bothell, WA. Photo by Sara McCaslin)
They meditate twice a day. That practice, he says, has helped him develop better understanding and patience — for his relationship, his child and his client with autism.
When you hear mindfulness or meditation, chances are you have some ideas of what that means. Ken thought it required sitting in a designated quiet spot each time.
In 2017, he signed up for a mindfulness class offered by SEIU 775 Benefits Group. “I realized you can be mindful really anywhere. All you’re doing is, you want to take yourself off the default mode and be present.”
Class instructor Eric López-Maya, Ph.D. says, “Mindfulness is all about learning to be present with what’s happening with an open and curious attitude.” That can happen anywhere, during everyday activities, such as eating, washing dishes or showering.
“One of the most common misunderstandings about mindfulness is that we practice getting rid of thoughts,” Eric says.
Instead, mindfulness is about changing the way we relate to our thoughts — to stop reacting automatically — and our emotions — “just being open and accept whatever emotion is present, which can make us feel calmer and centered.”
That is an especially useful practice for caregivers.
“It can help them to deal with burnout in terms of reducing stress and promoting self-care. Caregivers, just as any other person, need to practice a lot of self-care,” Eric says. “Carving out some time to do mindfulness can help them be more in tune with what they need and help them to make better decisions both for themselves and the people they care for.”
Ken says that the class has helped him realize just how much stress he was under at home and work, which was making him irritable. He wasn’t taking time out for himself. He had always been interested in meditation and mindfulness so the class was a perfect opportunity to explore them.
Since taking the class, Ken has begun a regular mindfulness practice and has noted changes. The biggest? Patience, particularly for caring for his client.
“I feel like I understand her better. I feel that I can look at challenges with more curiosity, versus this urge to blame or lash out. It has developed a lot of my patience. I think patience is the number one thing a caregiver needs. You have to be patient and the other stuff will come.”
Ken was impressed with the diversity of people who attended his class and sought to learn how meditation might help them. “It surprised me how everybody was kind of drawn to it, from all kinds of different cultures and backgrounds. I love that.”
Eric says a mindfulness practice should start simply, with everyday tasks. “Whenever you notice that your mind wanders off, you can gently return to the task at hand.”
Similarly, you can become present to your breathing at any moment. Whenever your mind wanders, gently bring it back to focusing on your breathing. “You can do this with eyes closed for three or four minutes to experience a greater sense of ease and presence.”
Crystal and Ken Friday make mindfulness meditation a daily routine. Ken says it helps him practice patience in his marriage and as a caregiver for his client Gavi. (Photo by Sara McCaslin)
Ken’s favorite exercise was a walking meditation. But an even bigger lesson learned from the class was the importance of carving out time for yourself regularly, something he thinks anyone, but especially caregivers like himself needs. “Whether you want to meditate or sit quietly or pray, have a certain amount of time you block out forever, and you guard it like Fort Knox,” Ken says.
During that time — maybe 20 or 30 minutes, Ken says, “Just check in with yourself, see how you feel, see where you want to go. Not for work, just to see how you are. Touch on that and mindfully go to that place every single day. You will benefit because you’re letting your life slow down for 20 minutes at a time.”
Ken and his wife use a meditation app, which has a timer and a variety of ways you can customize it to what you prefer.
“I think you get exactly what you put into it,” says Ken of a mindfulness practice. “If you want to connect with a higher idea of yourself, you’re welcome to. If you find that it’s not for you, you’ll find that too.”
He credits his getting curious about his mental and physical health, which includes cutting out sugar and doing more stretching exercises, to getting him on a happier track with his family and with work. “We’re incredibly blessed to have what we have.”
To participate in online mindfulness programs, sign up at myseiu.be/hcamindful or email healthy@myseiubenefits.org.
Mindful Breathing Excercise
Mindful breathing is a powerful practice you can use everyday. Researchers at Duke University found that mindful breathing, compared to other stress-reduction techniques, was more powerful in de-linking negative reactions to thoughts.
You can set a timer for a set amount of time or find little moments in your day for this exercise.
Instructions:
- Find a relaxed, comfortable position and take a few long, deep breaths to calm the body.
- Return to normal breathing and find your breath in your body. Maybe it is in your abdomen, chest or nostrils.
- Feel the sensations in your body from your breath. Notice one breath at a time.
- When your mind wanders, that’s OK. You can label it as “thinking” or “wandering” and then gently return your attention back to your breathing.
Stop Breathe Think App
Free Mindfulness App
SEIU 775 Benefits Group staff recommends Stop, Breathe & Think, a friendly app to guide you through mindfulness and compassion meditations.
It’s free for Android, iPhone and on the web at www.stopbreathethink.com.
