Life as a home care aide can be physically and emotionally stressful. In fact, one in five caregivers has reported moderate-to-severe depression.

Depression and stress can be very difficult to talk about. It is critical to know that you are not alone. Talking to someone can help you feel better faster and having the courage to reach out can bring positive change to your life. 

Meet Gwen, Alice, Robert, and Theresa. These four caregivers share their personal stories of depression and how they learned to thrive.

Interested in checking in on your own emotional well-being? Take a quick, free and confidential check up online at myseiu.be/deprisk.

Gwen Goodfellow: Preventing depression with self-care

Gwen became her mother’s home care aide to help her cope with fibromyalgia, COPD with pleurisy and depression. That role has been both rewarding and challenging.

“It’s my mom and I get to spend time with her,” she says. But because the two are so close, boundaries between Gwen’s professional role and her personal life became a problem.

“We were doing too much together; it was so easy because we get along. But I didn’t have time for me then.”

Gwen noticed that she was starting to feel depressed. That, in turn, was making it harder to manage her diabetes. Here are some of the signs she noticed in her own words:

“My energy is lower. I don’t want to go for my walk. I tend to want to just grab something to eat, rather than make sure I’m fixing something healthy. I’m not as motivated. I don’t have the energy. When I’m feeling run-down physically, I’m not as motivated to do things because I’m tired.”

Gwen isn’t alone. Numerous studies show that mental wellness is connected to physical wellness.

People with diabetes are at a particularly high risk of having depression. Some of the signs of depression, such as loss of energy and changes in eating and sleeping patterns, can make it harder to stay physically healthy.

The good news is that Gwen was able to recognize that things were not going well, get support and make lifestyle changes that improved both her physical and emotional well-being.

Now, Gwen carves time out of her busy schedule for self-care. For Gwen, it is not an indulgence; it actually helps her be a better caregiver for her mother.

“Pay attention to yourself. If you catch yourself struggling, either find things to help you or do the things that you know help you. As much as it’s not fun to exercise, things like taking a walk really do help. If you don’t put yourself first, you can’t take care of your consumer.”

Home Care Aide Theresa Greenwood Johnson with her client. (Photo by Paul Joseph Brown)

Alice Richmond: Talking about depression

“It’s not a shameful thing to be depressed,” says Alice Richmond. She has been a home care aide for 20 years and has lived with depression for most of her life.

She first got help after the birth of her son, when her primary care physician diagnosed her with postpartum depression. “It made me realize that I’d felt that way for a really long time and didn’t understand why.”

While the postpartum depression is long gone, depression still lurks for Alice at times. Because she reached out to her doctor, she now knows how to recognize the feelings.

“My depression looks like I don’t want to do anything. I don’t have any interest and things like that,” Alice says. “Sometimes, even now, I have days where I just sit in my chair and watch TV all day because I don’t feel like doing anything.”

“Depression can kind of sneak up on you. You don’t even realize you’re depressed. You just go and go and go and think things will get better and better and better,” Alice says.

She has a few tools that she uses to help herself feel better – coloring, arts and crafts, going outside, playing with her seven dogs and window-shopping.

“I like going to thrift shops and just looking.” She also talks with her client, who also gets depressed, and with whom she says she’s lucky to have a lot in common.

Making time to be sad is OK, too. “Sometimes I just give myself a day to chill out and do nothing. I try to get myself involved in a lot of positive things.”

That’s Alice’s ultimate self-care advice. “Find something that makes you happy and do it.”

Try a mindfulness meditation exercise here. 

Robert Marzullo: Keeping the mind and body busy

Before working as a caregiver, Robert Marzullo was a priest and hospital chaplain for 25 years in California, New Mexico and at Seattle’s Harborview Medical Center.

He also has depression. Robert knows when he is starting to feel his depression overwhelm him.

“I’m angry more, mostly at myself. Or I might bark sometimes and it shows itself to my wife and family,” he says.

That means it is time for Robert to reach out. “It’s time for me to go see my priest. That’s part of my therapy.”

Home Care Aide
Robert Marzullo, Shoreline, WA. (Photo by Paul Joseph Brown)

Counseling allows him to let go of things and “move on.” In addition to counseling and visits with his priest, Robert takes anti-depressants. “It helps me take care of myself,” he says.

Staying very busy is another way Robert keeps ahead of his depression. A part-time caregiver, he also works as a food demonstrator at Costco in Seattle, along with keeping up with his four grandchildren.

Having been both counselor and the one counseled, Robert stresses that finding someone to reach out to — his wife is often that someone — is one of the first steps you should take if you find yourself feeling down and wondering what to do.

“It might be a family member or friend who will not judge, just that they could be a listening post.”

Theresa Greenwood Johnson: Changing her story

For Theresa Greenwood Johnson, change is good. It turned her life around.

She experienced depression early in life, after a difficult childhood that included abuse and stays in foster homes. That eventually led to her emancipation at age 16. Life didn’t get easier for Theresa after that.

An extreme bout with shingles at age 22 left her with pain that was very difficult to manage. She became severely depressed.

Health problems, especially those that cause chronic pain or disability, can cause or increase the risk for depression.

But caregiving, and being good at it, were constant threads through Theresa’s life. When a chance came to start fresh with a move to Washington, she grabbed it.

She connected with a client she adored and then met and married her husband early in 2016. “I went and got a new life, made it completely different,” Theresa says.

Theresa applies that idea of change in smaller ways. If she’s feeling stuck, it means she needs to do something different. She’ll turn to her husband, “I say, ‘We’re stuck in a routine. I need to do something different.’ And he’s like “OK, let’s go!’ It is good to have somebody to do that with.”

Theresa says change is hardest when you are feeling down or having a challenging time, but that is also when it will help the most.

“You constantly have growth when there is change and growth doesn’t allow for depression,” Theresa says. “If I’m growing and moving toward something, I’m not depressed.”

She has many outlets for growing and moving. She paints, writes and sews. She also enjoys time in the water and her spiritual practice.

For other caregivers thinking about seeking mental health support, Theresa encourages them to start talking about it.

“Go talk to somebody! You have to be able to have somebody listen. They’re not going to have all the answers, which is really hard, because you think it’s like going to the doctor. You just go and have them fix it. Depression doesn’t work that way. It’s not something you have to fix, but you have to work on it.”