Why do you feel so sad when waking up, a little better by noon, and then angry by dinnertime?

To help us understand, in 1969 Elizabeth Kübler-Ross outlined a model of grief’s stages, in her book “On Death and Dying.”

This model applies to losses of every type, including death of a loved one, the end of a serious relationship or a divorce, or the onset of a disease or terminal illness.

People suffering loss may experience these stages in the order below, but many people move back and forth between the stages. You may first feel depression, then anger, acceptance, and then move back to bargaining.

You may even experience different stages in just one day. You may not even feel all of these emotions, but most people go through at least two.

Stages of grief

Denial

What you might say: “It’s fine, I feel fine, there isn’t a problem.”

What you might feel: You feel numb, in shock and unable to cope with daily life. You don’t feel any emotions, but you also have a hard time getting through the day.

Anger

What you might say: “I can’t believe this happened to me.” “Why me? It’s not fair!” “It’s all your fault that she died!”

What you might feel: You feel angry and rageful at the situation, at God or at a person you feel could be blamed (say, a person who didn’t attend the funeral or someone who offered insensitive advice).

Bargaining 

What you might say: “If only I could change what happened.” “I will give up all my bad habits if only it would fix everything.”

What you might feel: You wish you could change what is happening or what has already happened. You may feel overwhelmed with “what if” and “if only” thoughts.

Depression

What you might say: “I hate life.” “I don’t feel like getting out of bed.” “There’s nothing good about today.”

What you might feel: You may cry and grieve for your loss, either for a few moments or for hours. You recognize that what has happened is final and you feel overpowered by heartbreaking emotion.

Acceptance

What you might say: “It’s going to be OK.” “We had many wonderful times together.”

What you might feel: You are in the process of acknowledging what happened – the good and the bad. You are coming to terms with the fact that the loss is final, and you are beginning to move on.

Find support

The Healing Center: Offers grief support groups and individual counseling for adults, children and families who have experience the death of a loved one. Some services are offered for free, while others are on a sliding scale (based upon your income).

Group Health Bereavement Support. Offers support groups for individuals dealing with the death of a loved one. Free.

Psychology Today Therapy Directory.Use this website to find an independent counselor or therapist to help you with your loss.

Ask your church, mosque or temple whether support groups are offered.

Do’s and Don’ts for someone you know experiencing loss

Don’t: Try to make them feel better by saying things like “He’s in a better place,” or “Your divorce is for the better” or “You’ll get over it soon.”

Do: Ask how he or she is feeling. Say you’re sorry for the loss and let her know you are available to talk. Offer a hug or your phone number for support.

Don’t: Ignore a person going through loss. Be aware that at one moment, they may feel happy, then they may feel sad or angry.

Do:  Ask how they’re doing and watch for signs of depression (never laughing, never smiling). If you’re worried about them, let them know of your concern and point out support groups.

In the workplace:

Many of us have to go back to work, even when dealing with a loss or grief. Here are ways to make it through the day, with suggestions from Shannon Armitage, a Seattle-based therapist:

1. Summon a saying. Come up with a reassuring phrase you can repeat when you feel stressed or sad. Something like, “Go easy on myself,” or “I promise to take as good care of myself as I can.” It can also be a prayer or religious verse that has meaning for you, as long as it brings comfort and peace.

2. Hold on.  Find a tactile object (a special pebble, a piece of paper you’ve written a saying onto, a piece of special cloth) that you can keep in your pocket for reassurance, or wear a favorite sweater that comforts. “Children are comforted by blankie,” Armitage says. “We’re not that different from children, although we like to think we’re different.”

3. Visualize the day. Imagine the kind of day you’d like to have, before getting out of bed in the morning or while on your way to work. How will you respond to your supervisor, your coworkers and  your customers? Visualize a calm, positive day.

4. Take breaks.  Make sure you take breaks throughout the day. During that time, focus on your feelings. “Allow yourself to feel sad or angry, but be gentle with yourself,” Armitage says. Go for a walk in the sunlight to “reboot” your emotions, because emotional stress can also drain the body. Or find a peaceful spot on-site or in a park, where you can gather your emotions.