My son, Zach, began working in the library in middle school as a TA for one of his electives (he was in an inclusive environment except for his academics). One day he arrived home with three big books in his backpack.

I knew these were not books he was reading because his reading was at approximately the 1st grade level at that time and these books were at least high school age – thick with no pictures.

I asked him why he had these heavy books in his backpack. He was vague in his response. I looked to make sure they had been properly checked out (they were) and left it alone.

As the weeks progressed he continued carrying the books.

After noticing he had checked out different books of the same type, once the books he had were due back, I asked him a second time, if there was a reason he carried the books, and did he want me to read them to him?

DeeDee Lazik and her son, Zach. DeeDee is a full-time care provider for Zach. Photos by Inye Wokoma

He told me no, I didn’t need to read them. Shyly he told me that all the other kids had books in their backpacks and he wanted to carry them also.

That was that. I didn’t broach the subject again.

He lugged those books around, checking out different books once they needed to be returned, and more than a few times he did this. He is nothing if not diligent in his goals.

Then finally one day he came home and the books were no longer there. His pack was empty, except for the 3-ring binder he carried for his daily subjects. They became too heavy and not worth the effort.

I cried that night, for the differences my son feels and how he strives to close the gap. I cried that he gave up. I hope it helped him feel a bit more included in the general population at school.

I hope he was happy to give them up, rather than sad to go back to being different in what he did not carry.

Zach does not want to read books that are “for little kids” and I don’t blame him. One day I wish and hope that someone will begin writing books for people with developmental disabilities, as well as for those with huge reading gaps, that are age appropriate.

Maybe I will.