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When Home Care Aide Sun Benjamin was just 23, shopping with her friend on the crowded streets in Seoul, South Korea, a young American man drove up on a motorcycle, and noticed her long, beautiful hair.

“Do you know the way to the U.S. Embassy?” he asked. Sure, she said. “Can you show me where it is?” he asked. “I don’t know much about Seoul.” Sure, she said.

She jumped onto the stranger’s motorcycle. She quickly discovered that the gentleman – Richard – was a U.S. government employee and knew exactly where the U.S. Embassy was located – he’d been sent there six times over the course of years. It was just his ruse to get close to her. That motorcycle ride led to a whirlwind romance and a new adventure for Sun, who soon married the handsome stranger and moved with him to the United States.

At home in San Francisco, Richard Benjamin insisted that she learn to drive. “I wanted to learn English first, but he said he needed to teach me how to drive,” Sun says – a stick-shift car up and down hills, with a frightened Sun grasping the wheel with white knuckles and tears running down her face.

Sun holds a portrait of her late husband, Richard Benjamin. (Photo by Inye Wokoma)

Sun holds a portrait of her
late husband, Richard Benjamin. (Photo by Inye Wokoma)

But it was important for her independence, he said: “If you learn how to drive this car in this city, you can drive anywhere in the world.” So she decided she had to be strong. She learned to drive up and down the hills with confidence.

Benjamin, 66, now lives in University Place and works as a Home Care Aide for her mother, 91, and her grandson, age 15, who has develop-mental disabilities. After learning to drive, she had to learn how to eat meat.

She didn’t like meat at all, before coming to the U.S. Her mother-in-law introduced her to beans cooked with ham hocks. She didn’t drink, either. Her mother-in-law suggested she learn how to drink socially, and introduced her to a sweet liqueur. Gradually, she learned American ways, with the guidance and love of her husband and in-laws. “They welcomed me,” she says.

“When he told them about me, they said the culture doesn’t matter, as long as you love her, and she loves you.” Together, they raised two sons and a daughter, bringing them to visit Korea to introduce them to their mother’s homeland.

By his side in the U.S., she went skydiving and scuba diving. He passed away in 2003. “I never regretted one bit living with him,” she says. He told Sun’s parents: “I’m taking your daughter with me to the U.S., but don’t worry. I’m going to take care of her until I die.” “He kept a fantastic promise,” she says. “He was a fantastic husband.”

Cultural Transitions Sun’s mother often expresses gratitude for being able to live with her daughter – “She always says, ‘Thank God I’m in America, how comfortable I am here.’”

Her mother still prefers Korean food, and Sun remembers how that feels. “When I first came here, it was very difficult, there were hardly any Korean grocery stores,” she says. Only Japanese stores offered kim chi and soybean paste.

So soon, she learned to cook and eat European-American food as well. Today, one of her favorite meals is steak, baked potato and vegetables. But Sun says Korean older adults may have challenges with U.S. food, she says, as they prefer tradi-tional Korean cooking.

Sun Benjamin cares for her 91-year-old mother, Hyang Moon. (Photo by Inye Wokoma)

Sun Benjamin cares for her 91-year-old mother, Hyang Moon. (Photo by Inye Wokoma)

Sun’s days are filled with activity: packing her grandson’s lunch and getting him off to school, driving her mother to the senior center, filling out paperwork, cooking dinner (Korean food for her mother, Eu-ropean-American food for her grandson), cleaning house, doing laundry.

Sometimes, she falls into bed at 8:30 p.m., but rises at 2 a.m. to check e-mail, read her Bible and enjoy quiet solitude. “It’s my peaceful time, my time for relaxing,” she says, and her way of dealing with stress.

She also volunteers her skills at local senior citizen centers, helping Korean older adults learn to speak English, or helping them translate necessary forms. She also serves on the Executive Board for her union, SEIU Healthcare 775NW.

“If somebody needs help or needs to ask something, I’m there to help,” she says. “All the loving and caring I learned from husband and in-laws, I want to give that to everyone and people in need,” she says, and says Korean culture offers a similar attitude, which she carries with her in America, and in her day-to-day life. “I would love to pay it back, with the same loving and caring.”

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About the Author

Lora Shinn is a freelance journalist who writes about career, business, food, health, travel and parenting for business, consumer, trade and custom publications. Her work has appeared in The Seattle Times, Wired, Parenting, Pregnancy, Inc., and many other publications.

 

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